keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want to fling myself into the sun
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