1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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