What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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