Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
