wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
