alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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