I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
