Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
