Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
