dude i'm inner monologue high
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
