elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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