why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
