i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
