OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
