I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
