I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
