I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize