the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
