I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
