i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
