Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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