How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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