I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
