Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
