You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
