Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
