apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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