I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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