he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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