Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
