i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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