I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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