did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
