If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize