very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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