It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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