I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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