May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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