I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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