I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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