I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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