Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
