I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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