just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
