It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
