Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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