now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
