I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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