It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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