Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
