Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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