Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
