I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
