I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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