I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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