No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
