Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
