From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
