I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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