I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
