Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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