i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
