I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
