I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
