I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
