I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
