You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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