just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
