I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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