She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
