How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
